This year marks the beginning of my 26 years journey of life. It has been a rollercoaster but mostly going on down then flat road. If any reader is reading or my future self is reading this please excuse of any english mistake I made and luckily for me and majority of people everyday we will get better at this. When is the last time I post something here? I guess probably 2 years ago when I was still young and fresh and still thinking I had plenty of time ahead of me. Right now my mind is in racing mode. Afraid that I would be left behind while all my friends are successful in their financial and love life. Why should you care about this, I told myself. I want to stop caring, but I can't. I live in a society that makes me feel that I have to always constantly catching up. 

You gotta be successful and be financially secure before 30 so by the time you reach that age you can buy a house. You got to be married as you are a woman and you have biological clock, you cannot be an old bride, you would not look pretty in wedding dress if you are an old bride. You must have kids before 30 so your body can heal better before reaching that age. It is as if 30 is a condemned age for a single woman. 

Why should you care what people think or be doing? I have been trying to stop. Lately I found myself caring so much on what people think of me, of pleasing others and afraid any of my words could offend them. Single negative thing people said about my personality, capability or physical being, my mood could go sour all day perhaps that could last for 2 days. I would not go mad at the people, but I would keep it inside and felt sad, while outside I would look or may look fine. Please don't tell me I have not done anything about this issue. I have tried watching self healing or motivation youtube videos to get me on track and not let myself sink with the negativity. 

I am going to post some of my recent memories so I could come back and see how young I was at 25. 

I want to run a small business together with my partner. I want us to have common goal, not just marriage goal, but a life goal and something we have to nurture other than kids in the future. Hence I made a plan to go back to Indonesia and find a career in Jakarta whilst running a small business aside. I felt excited yet worried as I do not know what will happen in the future. Is me planning to resign from my current position and lifestyle a good choice? I pray to God to give me 3 obvious signs if this path is not for me. I pray to God too if this is indeed the path that He chose for me please make things easy and smooth sailing. 

Please excuse my narcism below, I just want to be able to look back to appreciate my thoughts, my youth, my body, basically my life. Throughout my absent of 2 years I have moved to a different company, from Accenture to TDCX with a complete different career. Now I am in a much better place in terms of work environment and professional skills. I have been making new friends as well in this new office. They are all welcoming, supportive and nice individuals, so we have been to places together. The photos pretty much sums up where I have been and with whom.